Recovery from ritual abuse and mind control brainwashing
Hi. An updated version of my guided healing visualization is available.
It is a visualization that I made to suit my own healing needs, and it may be helpful for others.
Visit this page to download the most recent version, and read information about how it can be used.
This is an updated version of the guided healing process that i made available here.
Comment if you wish to give feedback.
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Update: A more recent version of this Guided Visualization is available. Go to this page to download it.
After using the guided visualizations of others for so many years, I finally created one for myself that is more suited to my needs. Here is is for you to freely use.
The following information is included in the zip file of the multi track mp3 album (click to download).
Two ways to use this multiple audio track healing process:
This guided visualization:
The audio mentions “timeline”, “merging”, and a “safe space of your creation”.
Timeline:
Merging:
A safe space of your creation:
This guided visualization:
END.
The emotional response to being thwarted – anger – can also be directed at the self.
In a previous post, I explained the pain of carrying the decision to surrender, to minimize abuse. Mixed together in that pain, is the anger from being thwarted. However, that anger is partly directed at the self.
In ritual abuse, the decision to surrender to minimize the abuse, is intentionally forced onto child victims. Subconsciously or otherwise, it is intentional. It also allows the abuser to externalize blame for the abuse. After that decision, the victim is still thwarted, but differently. In response, anger is still generated.
That generated anger is now associated with the decision to surrender – the decision made by the self. The mind observes the cause and effect of deciding to surrender, and the subsequent lessened abuse. The abuse supposedly ‘agreed to’ – under duress.
Abusers strengthen this association with phrases like “you deserve it”, “you brought it on yourself”, “its because of what you did/didnt do”, “you chose it”, etc. These persistently blaming phrases help to connect the anger with the self, and are present in psychological abuse of both children and adults.
That anger is attached to, and directed at, the self. If there is enough anger, it will manifest as self-hate.
Despite the mind being used as a weapon against itself, it also has built-in mechanisms to heal. Emotions continually work to maintain mental health, if allowed. Grieving ‘dissolves’ anger.
A harrowing aspect of ritual abuse, is the creation of conditions for the victim to submit to the will of the abusers. They want their victims to willingly do things a free person would refuse to do. To participate willingly in the disgusting perversions of human scum. This is their confirmation that the victims mind has been broken in – comprehensively defeated. Like an animal broken in for a life of exploitation.
Abusers give their victims the choice of how much suffering to endure. There is the choice of being tortured, or cooperating. But submission is not enough to avoid punishment. The victim must appear to want to be a slave. As a victim i chose to perform, in order to minimize my suffering. This meant pretending to like what they insisted i do. At the time this meant my suffering was greatly reduced. But there was an unknown cost.
I was forced to exchange short term physical suffering for much less intense indefinite psychological suffering. The suffering of having given in to their abuse, of cooperating with it. Of pretending I was happy to do as they demanded. I didnt avoid the pain, i transformed and postponed it. I set it aside and carried it with me all my life. That pain of having decided to pretend for them. A decision i could never be happy with.
Now i am discarding that pain i carried for half a century – by realizing what was intentionally done to my mind against my will. That pain influenced my life and my relationships. It pulled my life in its direction, of accepting things and people i should have rejected, and pretending they were not bad.
To surrender to survive, is a suffering of its own.
A few months ago I had another overreaction to something that happened, and I later analyzed the pattern of thinking involved. (Usually I let it pass without special attention)
I realized that I have a part of my mind, that thinks up the worst possible outcome for situations – then causes me to be angry about it. Especially about upcoming events. It does this about imaginary things – not about real situations. The result is that a lot of angry energy is wasted on an internal rant about a fictitious situation that will never happen. It wastes my life energy on fiction. Theres more than one circumstance that can lead to catastrophic thinking. For me, its internal separate parts that carry out that task.
I used a minds eye visualization to follow the anger to the source. It was a 5yr old me, who only cared about fighting and being angry. I wanted to rescue and merge that part, but when he realized it meant leaving that place, he didnt want to go, he just wanted to stay and fight. I didnt know what to do with the situation. I ‘captured a snapshot / made a bookmark’ (by willing it to exist) so that I could easily pick up where I left off.
For a couple of days, I was at a loss about how to heal that part. I realized that being angry about terrible imaginary outcomes, is one of the worst things that happens in my life as an adult. It sabotages so much, especially my stability of mind and life. Its just psychological self harm – thats its purpose. It was created by my sicko abusers to sabotage my whole life.
Then, in another visualization, I returned to that part, and confronted it. I was mean and abusive to it. I told it how useless it was, and that it was a part intentionally turned against me. It kept resisting and I kept attacking. I said I will fight it until it agrees to merge with me. I made it clear how I felt about it. It asked if I hated it. I said I hated what it did.
Eventually it started to give in a little. Then I tried to start a merging. It still resisted, but I was able to get it inside myself. It was still struggling a bit, but at least I got it started. I left it at that.
Now, months later, I had forgotten about doing this healing work. I was reminded of it by reviewing what I recorded about it. I had already realized that I have recently been much more calm, and have had much less catastrophic thinking. I had put it down to the overall effect of doing healing visualizations. Although that is true, now I see that it is mostly the result of this specific healing visualization that I did.
Usually in my visualizations, I am pretty kind to parts that I find and rescue, and take time to explain to them the reality of their situation. They are usually unaware that I exist as an older person. Many are initially reluctant about getting rescued from their isolation.
However, on rare occasions, an opposite strategy is needed. Maybe I have done this only twice, in many years of healing work. I will only do it if that is what is needed. I know that I am dealing with parts of myself that were split off by abuse. The vast majority need welcoming and kindness. Almost everything has its exceptions.
I want to make it clear that this is what worked for my situation. Its not a suggestion that this should be used by others – or not used – with parts that have the job of catastrophic thinking. And its not the only way to heal inner parts. Im seriously warning against being aggressive with separated inner parts, for frivolous reasons, or just to see if it will work – they are the SELF. I use it only when my higher self (IN-tuition) indicates it is to be used – and then only after trying the usual way.
I have a scar on the top of my head. For many years i would habitually pick at that scar, while imagining that i was digging out a mind control implant – one that was for controlling my mind in some way. This has been the case since i was a teenager. Decades.
The image of the implant that i had in my head was one that was about the size of a peppercorn, with a thin metal wire, sometimes two, almost as thin as a hair, of quite springy metal. I imagined being able to get hold of the bulbous end and draw out the implant. I never did.
Because the implant was never there.
The only thing intentionally implanted, was the idea of the implant. That was all that was needed for the mind control. An implant is not needed when the desired effect can be achieved with the belief that an implant is there. The fake implant, that can reveal to the adults in charge what I am thinking. So i have no choice but to try to control my thoughts. As long as i am controlling my thoughts in fear of being caught out, i am so easily controlled. Not just for individual mind control, but for mass mind control (now aka mass formation psychosis) also.
The belief of a physical implant is created by suggestion and a setup of circumstances. A child can easily be tricked, by theatrical setups, into thinking that the adults really CAN read their thoughts – the implant is real and it works. This is because the situation is set up, and the circumstances controlled. A child cannot see through such circumstances. When a child is young and critical thinking is not yet developed, it is easy to use theater to make them believe all kinds of things are real. Implants, aliens, etc.
The adults that do these kinds of things to children are disgusting sick monsters that destroy entire lives by the harm they do to children. The human race cannot progress while such monsters freely live among us.
I have heard from a number of other Ritual Abuse survivors, that they believe they have such implants. I cant know if they are real, or fake like mine. I know that research into such implants are real – even movies have had a say about them – ex. “Terminal Man”. But in the case of ritual abuse and mind control, they are likely not needed. Trickery is more than enough with a young child.
I hope that the consideration of an implant being fake, can help other ritual abuse survivors with their recovery.
The squares triangles and circles in squid game are not from squid game. They are known by survivors of systematic mind control / satanic ritual abuse / menticide to have particular meanings.
This aartwork is from 1999, based on a photo from 1977, which I used to express what was being done to my mind.
Many pedophiles want to pay for pre-traumatized child victims.
They can, with little intimidation, cause the child to submit to abuse and trauma, out of fear.
The abuser experiences the fiction of seemingly having supernatural power over others.
Just a little effort and the other submits. A power trip by an adult over a child.
They are just pathetic monsters paying for victims, that other monsters have already traumatized.
Their experience of being powerful is completely fake. The delusion of sickos.
In 2003, I investigated my attendance in the mid-1970s, at the Observatory Clinic in Melbourne Australia. I managed to retrieve copies of my medical recrods through Freedom of Information. This video linked below presents the documents and their background.
Recently i noticed a lifelong pattern of memories that kept arising. They are memories of when i did something that others didnt like or didnt approve of. Not ones that resulted in any harm to anyone. Memories of seemingly little consequence. But they kept arising.
I know that when something keeps arising in my mind, that it is because of an unresolved issue. But even when i recognised the pattern of the memories, i still was not able to resolve the cause in a reasonable way.
When i asked myself why it would be so important for me to respond to people disapproving of me, trying to make up for things, rather than let it go – i realized that it was about avoiding suffering. I understood that it matched a pattern from my child abuse.
Those who abused me, justified it by telling me that i was bad, that they hated me, that it was my fault. Again and again, so that it was deeply embedded in my mind. I was in a situation that i was not able to escape. I realized that my solution to that situation, was to try to convince the abusers that i wasnt bad, that I was likeable, that i could make it up to them and show i was acceptable. I didnt understand that they were abusing me because they needed to abuse, needed to destroy another person. They probably justified their abuse by saying those things, and engaged in self-delusion. But the reality was that they needed to destroy others, and they chose me – not because of me, but because I was the opportunity presented to them.
So i stuck with that strategy of trying to convince people that were upset with me, that i was good and likeable – by trying to make up for things, by trying to show that I cared and wanted to do what is right, wanted to correct my error. I kept trying to make up for things i had done, that seemingly upset others (or not) – but were in fact trivial. It was even true that i feared upsetting others and often assumed without evidence that i had done that – when i actually hadnt.
It is this one, trying to make up for things i had supposedly done wrong, that was the core of my delusional useless strategy – while always assuming that any problem was due to me. It was my fault, as i was taught by my abusers. Never realizing that it was a misunderstanding, a pointless waste of effort. I would even stay around abusive people so as to practice my useless strategy. Just knowing that someone was unhappy with me, caused me to stick around to try to make amends – as if i had no choice to leave.
Im yet to dig up that part that believes in and uses that strategy. I hope that when i do, i will stop wasting my time trying to please people, trying to make up for negative interactions and make them like me. Instead I can just say sorry. The other person can let me know if they want any compensation, if sorry isnt enough for them. Then I can decide if i want to compensate or not.
Then i can put more of my effort into listening to and following the guidance of my higher self.
Gary Pfeifer RA MC Survivor 