An origin of self hate

The emotional response to being thwarted – anger – can also be directed at the self.

In a previous post, I explained the pain of carrying the decision to surrender, to minimize abuse. Mixed together in that pain, is the anger from being thwarted. However, that anger is partly directed at the self.

In ritual abuse, the decision to surrender to minimize the abuse, is intentionally forced onto child victims. Subconsciously or otherwise, it is intentional. It also allows the abuser to externalize blame for the abuse. After that decision, the victim is still thwarted, but differently. In response, anger is still generated.

That generated anger is now associated with the decision to surrender – the decision made by the self. The mind observes the cause and effect of deciding to surrender, and the subsequent lessened abuse. The abuse supposedly ‘agreed to’ – under duress.

Abusers strengthen this association with phrases like “you deserve it”, “you brought it on yourself”, “its because of what you did/didnt do”, “you chose it”, etc. These persistently blaming phrases help to connect the anger with the self, and are present in psychological abuse of both children and adults.

That anger is attached to, and directed at, the self. If there is enough anger, it will manifest as self-hate.

Despite the mind being used as a weapon against itself, it also has built-in mechanisms to heal. Emotions continually work to maintain mental health, if allowed. Grieving ‘dissolves’ anger.