The Permanent Theft of My Self-Direction

In early secondary school, i was highly interested in things and spent lots of time in the local library reading about nuclear physics and other stuff. I read sci-fi voraciously.

After grade 9, I stopped doing all these things, and i was lethargic and uninterested. I have concluded that between grade 9 and 10, i had electroshock/ECT forced onto me against my will, and it left me with a permanent brain injury.
The purpose of the electroshock was to wipe my memory of the abuses i was subjected to. But it also took away my self-direction, my capacity to be interested and creative, as well as organized. It was a brain injury of my frontal lobe, and left me to live my life with insufficient capacity to manifest, organize and persevere.

I suddenly was poor at math and academic pursuits. My grades dropped from easily getting high marks, to just passing with great difficulty. I still struggle with math, it was a permanent effect. I have tried to study math to regain the ability and was unable.

It was a massive crime against my whole life and my future success – because the pedophiles wanted to be sure i couldnt make any trouble for them. It took 15 years before I started to recover memories of abuse that made sense of the difficulties and fears i had in my life. And still, most of my childhood memory, before age 14, has not returned. My lack of self-direction remains and I have no choice but to live my whole life disabled in this way – just because the pedophiles chose to permanently sacrifice my mental capacity, to protect themselves from their own crimes.

It seems to me that using electroshock to wipe the memory of victims of child sex trafficking, is something that happpens to many victims, not just myself. Theres no crime that sicko pedophiles will not commit – even destroying their victims ability to live a successful life.

2 thoughts on “The Permanent Theft of My Self-Direction

  1. Thankyou Gary. I am sharing this post on Twitter and FB. I quite often (when I have time / when I feel moved to do so) share your posts.

    I grieve with you about the losses.

    Thankyou for pointing the finger at the pedophiles. They need to be exposed— and I believe they will be in the end.


    1. Hi Barbara. Thanks for your feedback, its appreciated. And thanks for sharing my posts. I also think that the pedophiles will lose their place in society, slowly but surely.


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