So that every time is a re-circumcision

TRIGGER WARNING

This post contains a transcript from a healing visualization process, used to record the result of different stages of the process. Then it is followed by the interpretation that I established while transcribing. Mention of rape, description of the feeling.

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2018-02-21
0133 [transcribed from video selfie] I started a MTE track 1 process, and I went to the feeling that was just the right one to go with. And it was just like ok, whats the feeling that is the thing that is to deal with right now? And then it was like, it wasnt actually inside my body, it was in FRONT of me. Right now Im lying on my back, doing that visualization and its like, um, its actually bigger than my torso. And its on top of me like, like my own, like another torso shape, maybe, i dont know if it is actually representing a person that is bigger than me, and Im a kid, im not sure, thats another idea that came up is that its actually a woman, sexually abusing me, but im not sure. So, anyway, when she said to go into that feeling, and, just like be in it, then like, oh, its just black and screaming and awful, and, its like, I can make a distinction between that me going into that bigger energy on top of me in front of me, its um, that me is looking at that, and my awareness is going into that, that thing in front of me and its just black and screaming and angry, and chaos in there. So thats what I see, and I dont know if that is actually, if it is something thats in me or not, but that is, there is some attachment to me, its like sitting there in front of me and its kind of attached there in front of me, its not actually inside my body. OK, so Im going to go and do part 2 now, while i continue on with that visualization.
0139 [transcribed from video selfie] Ok so I went back into that a bit more. its just like a couple of minutes later. And my mind has kept on that same suggestion that Im like a kid and that is a person, I think, that the suggestion from my mind is that thats actually a woman sexually abusing me, somehow its been, Ive been caused to have an erection and theyre having sex with me, and I am, underneath, and Im trying to block that energy, Im trying to put up a barrier, to block that energy from getting into me because that, cos im actually within the zone of that persons energy field, Im trying to block, put up a barrier, to stop that persons energy coming into me. So thats what I worked out. How old am I? 6 or 7 or something like that, Im not sure, but, Im a lot smaller than that person. And that persons core energy is a lot bigger than my body, and it sits in front of my body. The center of that persons core energy is, maybe, 20 or 25 cm above my torso surface. And its like, its closer than 30 cm. And maybe because I was so small maybe its even less than 20 cm. So theyre like, right physically on top of me. And I had the idea come up that my fat belly has, is part of that barrier, its something to do with that, that being the barrier. And theres also the idea that came up that Im actually afraid of sticking, putting my penis inside a, like inside women, other women, because im afraid of what theyre going to do with it, im afraid of it getting hurt, afraid of me getting hurt, and a few fears like that. There seems to be some association with my circumcision, to do with this kind of stuff, but Im not quite sure what it is, but it seems that those abusive people made that association and put that association into me, to make me afraid of, afraid of sex, as part of being able to control it, whatever I did. Ok, so thats, thats what I feel its about. Its just being sexually abused by, adult female that, its, its probably, an, I suppose … While the suggestion was immediately when I was, the first identity suggested was, but I think that its happened with other people as well, but that really black dark screaming energy, I think that is Erna, shes, shes like that. Like, you know, possessed by demons, and awful, awful energy.

2018-03-04 additional info.

While transcribing this text, I understood that this recollection is from a rape ritual. At one point, maybe in an earlier ritual, my circumcision (genital mutilation) was followed by being raped, by a female, to permanently associate the trauma of circumcision, with the act of sex. This ritual is to make the male victim subconsciously associate every sexual experience with the trauma of circumcision, for the rest of their life. That is, to make sex forever a re-traumatization. That is, by the time I was circumcised, I was already conditioned to have an erection on command. That is readily achievable through mind control.

I refer to the guided process as MTE. This and other healing resources can be found at http://www.melanietoniaevans.com

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