Resentment toward family obligations

2016 Sep 12

2350 doing mte process. The shriveled old man came up, and memories of today and anger. And I felt it behind my sternum and a bit lower down. I got an age of six and it came up as being about fear and getting hurt and having my power taken away, having suffering imposed on me. Theres a lot of fear about even more suffering, even from the shriveled old man, fear that the suffering never ends.

2016 Sep 14

0006 continuing mte process.

I felt the emotional feeling in my chest, as last time. And when it came to identify where the pain is stored, the burning soreness in my lower back arose, its located along the horizontal, across the upper pelvis and just above that, across my waist. When the question about age came up I got such a definite 6 it really surprised me, Ive never had that before. Its very stern for a 6 year old, indignant.

When doing the clean-out I met the 6 year old and explained he was allowed to get rid of anything he wanted. He really let go of a lot of stuff and started smiling. Then he was more like a normal kid, not angry.

0034 start shift 2. Now I felt the feeling again and then it arose in my forehead and upper arms and shoulders facing the front, as it I’m pushing against something. I don’t really know what’s going on but I’m a man, not a kid, and its not this lifetime, maybe. I’m not even sure about that either.

Now going into that more I get a real sense of frustration and agitation, I really dont want to do what I feel I have to do. I hate it. I just want to get away from it, but I’m somehow trapped, not necessarily a slave, but by the circumstances. I want to lash out indiscriminately but i am pushing that feeling down because its not acceptable in my culture.

0057 in the cleaning out I got more info about the man. He’s thin and middle aged, and seemingly working in a dark factory. I allowed him to release his anger, and he expressed hate for his family and children which made him have no choice but to keep doing this awful job just to support them. So much resentment. Then he piled all of the things he hated onto the pile to discard and felt a lot better. The other workers weren’t angry when he said that about his family, they understood, but didn’t want to say it themselves. The me guy felt better and even let out a smile after doing that. Now we understand that these life circumstances were required for spiritual development. Necessary guidance, as is my current circumstances.

So I stopped there and didnt continue with section 2 as I kind of got that message and realization anyway. Also I’m really tired and get so drowsy when doing this process.